Things to Consider After You Get the Job

• Don’t complain about your leader/conductor- at least where he/she can hear you.
• Don’t give advice unless you are asked.
• Never hire a sub better than yourself.
• If play a second part in an ensemble, never criticize the first chair player.
• When warming up, never try to see how high you can play.
• Never change the music to “the way it should have been written”.
• Never out blow the lead player under any circumstance.
• Never play a note at the end of a number which is higher than the lead player unless he/she has requested it.
• Be sure to cash all checks as soon as possible.
• If a check bounces, get the cash but keep the check for is makes a great wall decoration.
• Always compliment the jazz soloist after every solo for they are very self-conscious of their playing.
• Always compliment the lead player for they expect it and they are very self-centered and conceded.
• Never go out with the singer of the opposite sex if you are married and want to stay married.
• If you leader/conductor wants you to play a certain way which is in conflict with the way you feel it should be played, just nod your head and play the way you think it should be played.
• If you are a drummer, ask a friend to stay with you as you load your equipment into your car. Everyone knows that you have been paid for the gig and in most cases you are paid in cash and will be loading in a dark alley.
• Never lie to a fellow musician. You can lie to an audience member but never to a fellow musician.
• If you make a mistake, be sure to look immediately at one of your valves. Or look at the player next to you. Both work very well.
• If you are playing in the same location and enjoy the bubbly once in a while, be sure to supply the bar tender with your own bottle and ask to be served from your container. This is much more economical.
• Don’t pull pranks on your fellow musicians unless you can take them playing one on you in return. “I am not admitting to any of the following examples”.

Example 1- putting an ice cube in the trumpet players mouthpiece at the beginning of a break.

Example 2- Rotating one of the valves in the horn of a fellow trumpet player

Example 3- Inserting a penny between the   upper and lower section of a clarinet.

Example 4- Routinely trimming the end off of the conductor’s baton when he/she is not looking.

Example 5- Inserting a centerfold into the conductors score.

• Always be sure to replace the arrangements in their proper order.
• Always be sure to replace the arrangements in their proper order.
• Always be sure to replace the arrangements in their proper order.

Although most of these suggestions relate more to a full time commercial playing musician, many may also relate to the symphony player; with the exception of the funny stuff for most have very little sense of humor.