No explanations
needed….
AGENT: a character who resents performers getting 90% of his salary.
ARRANGER: a guy who writes to support a drinking habit.
BALLET: an art form for people with eating disorders.
BANDSTAND: the area furthest away from an electrical outlet.
BIG BAND: nowadays, an aggregation consisting of two musicians.
BROADWAY PIT JOB: a prison sentence disguised as a gig.
CABARET: a venue where singers do songs from shows that closed out of town.
CATERER: a man whose hatred for musicians is unrivaled.
CHANTEUSE: a singer with an accent and no time.
CLASSICAL COMPOSER: a man ahead of his time and behind on his rent.
CLUB DATE LEADER: someone who changes his name from Kaminsky to Kaye.
CONTINENTAL VIOLINIST: a guy who rushes like he’s trying to catch the last train to Budapest.
CONTRACTOR: a man whose funeral nobody goes to.
CRUISE SHIP WORK: a gig that gives a musician two reasons to throw up.
DJ: the guy your son would rather have play his Bar Mitzvah.
DOUBLEBASS: the instrument the folks footing the bill feel is unnecessary.
DOWNBEAT: the magazine that would have you believe that all jazz musicians are working.
ELECTRIC PIANO: the instrument that enables its player to pay for the hernia he sustained lifting it.
HOTEL PIANIST: a guy who looks good in a tux.
JAZZ: the only true American art form beloved by Europeans.
JAZZ FESTIVAL: an event attended by folks who think Coltrane is a car on the B&O railroad.
LYRIC: that part of a tune known only by singers.
MELLOPHONE: an instrument best put to use when converted into a lamp.
METRONOME: the archenemy of chanteuses and cantors.
MOVIE COMPOSER: someone who can write like anyone except himself.
NEW AGE : a musical substitute for Valium.
NEW YEARS EVE: the night of the year when contractors are forced to hire musicians they despise.
ORCHESTRATOR: the musician who enhances a composer’s music, only to be chastised for it.
PERCUSSIONIST: a drummer who can’t swing.
PERFECT PITCH: the ability to pinpoint any note and still play or sing out of tune.
PIANIST: an archaic term for a keyboard player.
PRODIGY: a kid who has as much chance at a normal childhood as the Chicago Cubs winning the World Series.
RAGA: the official music of New York’s Taxi and Limousine Commission.
RARE VIOLIN: a Stradivarius, not to be confused with a rare violinist, which is someone over four foot eleven.
SIDEMAN: the appellation that guarantees a musician will never be rich.
STAFF MUSICIAN : harder to locate than a cavity in the Osmond family.
STEADY ENGAGEMENT: look up in Webster’s Dictionary under the word ”obsolete.”
24\7: the time signature of the national anthem of India. Also, a Don Ellis chart.
UNION REP: a guy who thinks big bands are coming back.
VERSE: the part of a tune that’s disposable, except to its composer.
VIOLA D’AMORE: a baroque string instrument and coincidentally the hooker Bach lost his virginity to.
WURLITZER : the Ford Pinto of pianos.
YANNI: a man blessed with great hair for music.
That was a good laugh. I’m looking for some general advice on trumpets. Once upon a time in Junior High I played the trumpet. Ok it was like in the 80’s. Anyway I got the idea to attempt to play again but I would need a horn and a ton of practice. What would be a good trumpet and where could I get it? And any other random advice.
Remember, you asked for it…….
Here’s a good start/ restart-
http://www.thetrumpetblog.com/finding-the-correct-mouthpiece-placement/
http://www.thetrumpetblog.com/big-mouthpiece-or-small-mouthpiece-that-is-the-question/
http://www.thetrumpetblog.com/big-mouthpiece-or-small-mouthpiece-that-is-the-question-part-3/
http://www.thetrumpetblog.com/motivation-where-does-it-come-from-and-how-can-i-get-some/
http://www.thetrumpetblog.com/motivation-where-does-it-come-from-and-how-can-i-get-some-part-2/
http://www.thetrumpetblog.com/how-to-place-your-mouthpiece-in-your-horn/
http://www.thetrumpetblog.com/how-to-identify-and-deal-with-excessive-mouthpiece-pressure-part-1/
http://www.thetrumpetblog.com/how-to-identify-and-deal-with-excessive-mouthpiece-pressure-part-2/
http://www.thetrumpetblog.com/the-trumpet-player%E2%80%99s-octave-key/
http://www.thetrumpetblog.com/famous-solos-for-young-and-comeback-players/
http://www.thetrumpetblog.com/wet-or-dry-that-is-a-question/
http://www.thetrumpetblog.com/why-should-i-extend-my-third-slide-on-low-d/
http://www.thetrumpetblog.com/how-to-become-a-great-trumpet-player-for-only-plus-tax/
http://www.thetrumpetblog.com/trumpet-hand-playing-position/
And now about picking out a horn…..
http://www.thetrumpetblog.com/cheap-trumpets-are-there-such-things/
http://www.thetrumpetblog.com/features-to-consider-when-buying-a-trumpet/
http://www.thetrumpetblog.com/trumpet-brass-or-silver-finish/
http://www.thetrumpetblog.com/best-selling-brands-of-trumpets/
http://www.thetrumpetblog.com/which-trumpet-should-i-buy/
http://www.thetrumpetblog.com/the-definitive-guide-to-trumpet-mouthpieces/
Thanks for the info it was very informative. Do you have any posted beginner lessons? Because the only thing I remember about playing is that I did play.
That’s a good idea. I may put something together this next week.
The best advice I can give you would be to “rest as much as you play” and be patient.
Bruce, I have more questions to bother you with. Do you know Crone trumpet sales or trumpets4u.com? I’m looking at purchasing either a reconditioned Bundy or Bach TR300 from them. If you know, What is their reputation?
Thanks for time and info
I have no knowledge of them but will look into it in the morning for you.
This table is a great guide to help the beginner know their way around.
The world of musicians is strange enough. Especially without knowing the vocabulary!
I wish I could listen the national anthem of India with a saxophone. I just love it!