Finally we have advanced to a stage in our musical lives where practicing is no longer required to become a successful musician.
Throughout most of my life I have voiced the opinion that I would love to be able to take a pill which would eliminate the boredom of practicing. And finally it has happened!
Let me introduce you to the new wonder pill of the musical world- “Happy Pappy Popper Pills”
No longer will you be required to spend endless hours slaving over orchestral excerpts, jazz transcriptions and one more variation of the Carnival Of Venice. One amazing pill will relieve you of all the anxieties and wasted time worrying about your preparation and technique. It’s all combined into one small yet amazing pill which will revolutionize every musician’s life.
Please read further below to understand all of the benefits of this new medication and be the first in your neighborhood to reserve a room at Carnegie Hall for your next world premiere performance. One pill will send your career to heights previously unattainable.
Taking one “Happy Pappy Popper Pill” each day will free you from the many agonizing hours of practice which used to be required to master your chosen instrument. One pill will replace the boredom, pain, embarrassment and all of those wrong notes. Not only will you be elated with your success, but think of the joy you will be giving to all those forced to listen to you practice. Your life will change overnight and the praise from all who doubted your musical talents will suddenly change their opinions to accolades of praise and astonishment.
Only one pill in the morning will send you on your way to stardom throughout the world!
Several hours of research have gone into the many ingredients in “Happy Pappy Popper Pills” and after the three tireless day of intensive testing done by the developer and his wife, the miracle pill is now available in limited numbers and a few locations.
To give you some idea as to the multitude of benefits this miracle supplement has to offer, please read below the makeup and benefits of “Happy Pappy Popper Pills”.
Happy Pappy Popper Pills contains the following ingredients and benefits-
Vitamin A- Helpful for strengthening bones and teeth in order to sustain high notes for longer periods of time.
Vitamin D- Needed for proper absorption of calcium; stored in bones which takes the edge off your lead trumpet playing.
Vitamin E- Antioxidant; protects cell walls from lip damage and splitting.
Vitamin K- Needed for proper blood clotting in case Vitamin E doesn’t work.
Vitamin B1- Part of an enzyme needed for energy; important to lowering nerve function such as stage fright.
Vitamin B2- Part of an enzyme needed for energy; important for improved vision for reading the smaller printed notes.
Vitamin B3- Part of an enzyme needed for energy; important for digestive system after too many tacos and enchiladas.
Vitamin C- Antioxidant; part of an enzyme needed for protein metabolism; important for immune system health; aids in iron absorption as well as absorption of brass particles from your instrument.
In addition to the Vitamins listed above, be aware of additional supplements related to brass players in particular. Read on for related supplemental benefits-
NMAN- (Never Miss A Note) has been added to improve your sight-reading.
SCWTCB- (Stay Cool When The Check Bounces) This is particularly important to the single engagement musician from out of town.
LTE- (Lead Trumpet Enhancement) Every lead trumpet player will enjoy this supplement for it completely blocks out the grumbling from the second chair player about your ugly sound and ego.
OCB- (Orchestral Concept Blocker) This is absolutely require if you are faced with a situation where an orchestra player has joined your section.
NKITS- (New Kid In The Section) This amazing supplement filters out all the high notes a young player screeches before the job and all the clams the new player splatters during the job.
NLATL- (Never Look At The Leader) After taking just one pill a night this supplement will allow you to completely block out any and all directions from the leader of your ensemble.
AVFF- (Automatic Valve Failure Function) This alone will sell you on this product. Every time you miss a note, the Automatic Valve Failure Function kicks in and instantly freezes your first valve in a halfway down position so you will have something to complain about.
As unbelievable as this may sound, the benefits of the “Happy Pappy Popper Pills” are endless. Be sure to contact your local pharmacy to learn more about this miracle product.
Or maybe not……. for a lawsuit brought on by the Better Pharmaceutical Council has not yet been settled nor has the Governmental Study of Fraudulent Activities in Drug Sales been resolved.
Until these two, small issues have been finalized, only regular practice will insure success in your musical future.
PLEASE NOTE: This post in no way condones nor promotes the use of mind, body or thought enhancing medication for personal improvement.
And…….”Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires”
