Today I was scheduled for a nuclear stress test by my heart doctor.
This is common for anyone having a heart attack but today did not go as well as I had hoped.
For those who have not had the pleasure of this life changing experience, let me share with you every little moment of my eventful day.
1. No food, drinks or even water before the procedure which wasn’t until 11:30 this morning. That was discomfort #1 (hunger and a splitting headache).
2. My appointment was on time and we were greeted by a very cordial young man and escorted into the lab for the preparation for my stress test.
3. I was asked to sit on the examination table while my blood pressure was taken. (135/ 90 which was high, yet reasonable considering the situation I was about to undergo.
From now on, it gets much more interesting; and at times even humorous.
4. The lab tech who had inserted my IV the day before came in the room to insert another IV for the stress test.
4a. I was asked which arm I would like to have the IV inserted in to which I responded “Let’s do the left arm today”.
4b. After pushing in and pulling out the IV several times into my left arm, the tech announced to me, “You are not as cooperative today as you were yesterday”. I apologized as he began to change positions to insert the IV into the back of my left wrist.
4c. After a couple more pokes of the needle, lab tech #1 shared some interesting information with everyone in the room as he blurted out, “He popped, we got a bleeder”. I came to the rapid conclusion of whom he was speaking due to the fact that two techs were now applying pressure to my left wrist as blood began running down my arm.
4d. Soon the left wrist was bandaged and the bleeding was under control. Tech #1 again told me that I was not cooperating and moved to the other side of the table to continue his probing on my right arm.
4e. After comfortably positioned himself on the other side of the table tech #1 began thumping on my right arm to find the next port of entry.
4f. Confident in his new location, in and out went the needle again and again with the same disappointing results. And as before I was told that I was not being cooperative. I shared with him at this point that my limit for drawing blood and IVs was two and that I was going to give him one more chance for finding gold in them their arms.
4g. The third time was successful and the pressure was finally off tech #1; at least for the time being.
That covers the bloodletting experience and now for some humor.
5. As I was lifting myself off the table to begin my stress test on the tread mill, blood thirsty tech #1 reached down and picked up off the floor a small black disk the size of a fifty-cent piece. Both techs examined the strange object and eventually identified it as the insert in the stethoscope used to read my blood pressure earlier that morning. At that point I thought it appropriate to say something. And I did. “Gentleman, I’m beginning to lose confidence in my visit today”!
6. At that point someone from the next room spoke, “Your next patient is a woman in the waiting room, what should tell her? Tech #1 without hesitation directed the nurse to ask her to take off her bra and put on a hospital gown and he would be right there. This was something I could not resist for the only woman in the waiting room was my wife who was there with me. With a very confident and authoritative voice I spoke, “I’ll give you ten bucks if you let me see her face when you tell her that”. Both techs asked why I had made such a strange offer to which I said, “That woman in the waiting room is my wife”!
7. After the stress test, I was directed to go into the other room for imaging of my heart. As I got up to change rooms, I asked if this is still necessary and I pointed to the IV still in my hand and the accompanying length of tubing dangling from my wrist. “Oh I’m sorry apologized tech #2 and proceeded to remove the hardware from my wrist.
Bear with me for we are almost to the end with still more humor to report.
8. I was finally moved to the last phase of this ordeal where I was positioned on the bed to take the final images of my heart. After the short trip through the tunnel I was ready to leave but asked a simple question of tech #1. “Do you every have any breakdowns with this equipment”? His response was immediate, “Oh yes all the time. This is old equipment and it breaks down all the time. In fact we are expecting a repairman right after your appointment to install some replacement parts that have been on order for two weeks”.
All this with radioactive liquids pulsing through my veins.
So, how was your day?
